Always, Inevitable
by graystephen93
Summary: Just a string of promo teasers I tried to put together into a post 7.12 story of some sorts.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! So I've been writing this up in my spare time this week and I know I'm finishing up late with the episode airing in just over a day, but I thought I'd share it anyway.**

 **This is NOT my prediction for the episode or how I think it will go down because, well, after 7.11 I have decided to just take 7B as it comes, lol. I'm not sure how great a Darvey ending 7.13 will give us and that promo f*cked me up. So I had to do something to take my mind off of it, by piecing together some teasers we've gotten and making them into a story.**

 **Can't wait to see how the actual episode will unfold and probably break our hearts, but oh well, Darvey is endgame either way! :)**

 **Enjoy! (I was too tired to properly proofread so sorry for any typos you may encounter)**

 **note: the last part may be slightly M-rated, who knows..**

* * *

 _Part I_

* * *

Donna passes Harvey's office on her way home that night. The corner of her eye is greeted by an unfamiliar presence in the large room. Out of a twelve year habit of making sure only the right people got into his beloved work space, she stops in her tracks and looks in.

She only has to glance once to know who it is. Her casual, yet well put together appearance, her artsy aura, those comfortingly familiar kind eyes. But more so, what those eyes were staring at.

The COO smiles, tilting her head as she walks through the open glass door.

"Hi." she smiles so warmly that Lily can't help but do the same straight away as she pulls her gaze from the canvas, and towards the leggy redhead in a blue dress with a stranger's face, but an old friend's spirit. "You must be Lily."

"Hi.. yes that's me." she chuckles. "How did you know?"

"I'm Donna," she says with less seriousness than usual. "I know everything there is to know about your son." _Except how he truly feels,_ her mind finishes.

Donna extends her hand, her teeth peering out under her attractive smile as the women engage in a firm, friendly shake.

She notices Lily looking at her with a curious glint in her eye, telling her she was being carefully studied.

"Nice to meet you, Donna."

She knew who Donna was. Not by appearance, until right this second. But by name, and hilarious anecdotes told to her by Gordon and Marcus over the years.

After another while, Lily finally lets go of their grip, shaking her head as she snaps out of her train of ' _is this her?'_ thought.

"I'm Harvey's-" Donna doesn't even get the chance to say friend or colleague _-or whatever the hell they are these days._

"Of course!" she smiles brightly, thinking she made the right girlfriend connection. "You're coming to dinner with us, I assume?"

"Dinner?"

"The restaurant. Your Harvey's ' _special someone'_ right?" she smirks up at her, her eyes softening behind her light bangs.

Donna's lip almost quivers, her smile dying out in her eyes before she quickly remembers to keep her frown very much, upside down.

"Actually-"

"I can't thank you enough, you know?" Lily gazes at her, completely oblivious that she had the right woman, but the wrong girlfriend.

Donna stops her attempts to put her straight for a second as curiosity gets the better of her. She tilts her head a fraction, brows lowered with intrigue. "For what?"

"Convincing him to come see me all those months ago, of course!" she grins, eyes widened with gratitude.

As the redhead looks even more bemused, Lily decides to elaborate further.

"Let me guess," she scoffs, "he didn't give you credit for it?"

"Lily-"

"Well he did when he came to see me!" she informs. "Said _someone very special to him_ convinced him that he needed to."

Donna's lower lip falls without her consent, her heart starts beating too fast too. She should have put it together without so much help from Lily. She's Donna after all. But when it comes to Harvey and how he truly feels about her, that 'all knowing' attitude is nowhere to be found. Hiding around some dark corner of her brain, afraid to come out and shout out to the rest of the class what it thinks it knows.

She knows the kiss affected him, he admitted as much. And she may even have believed he was lying about not wanting more. But somehow, this was bigger than all of those things. This was something he said to his mother - the woman he had spent half his life forcing himself to hate - about her, before there was any kiss, or fallout, or reconciliation. He had decided completely on his own to mention her, in his own little way, _to his mother._

 _Someone very special to me._

Before she can let the revelation hit her full force, she decides to focus on the fact that she already knew she was special to him.

 _With you it's different._

And look how that turned out.

She clears her throat, knowing she needs to set the woman straight about who she is.

"Lily I-" she hates how flustered she sounds so she gathers herself a bit more, slowly blinking now, "I'm sorry I should have been more clear, but Harvey and I are just friends. We've known each other for a long time now."

"Oh.." she replies, clearly puzzled because Donna seemed to fit so well into the picture _. His life being the picture._ "I'm sorry, I should have let you speak I just got so excited at the chance to thank this woman, and then you came in and I thought it was you!" she chuckles somewhat awkwardly as she waves her hands about.

Donna grits her teeth, knowing she was going to have to lie for the sake of Harvey, and his relationship with Paula, which she knew he was trying so hard to maintain.

"That'd be Paula." she nods, forcing a happy facade before she swallows, her right hand now clasping the fingers of her left as both hovered over her abdomen. "The woman he's dating."

"Well," Lily sighs with smile and a whisper, "I'd better thank her tonight then."

Donna opens her mouth to suggest otherwise. Make up something about Harvey not wanting to be embarrassed in front of her, knowing how badly the reveal would go down if Paula doesn't already know. Which she guesses she doesn't when Lily clearly hasn't even been told so much as her son's girlfriend's name. Harvey obviously hasn't shared much with either of them.

But before she could, she hears his crisp voice cut through the warm office air behind her.

"You ready to go?"

"You took your time." Lily scolds lightly as Donna tilts her body, peering over her exposed shoulder at him.

"Don't even start with the prostate jokes." he warns Donna as he pulls up in front of them, noticing how her mouth was agape, ready to fire some Mike-like joke.

She holds her hands up faux-defensively, while her eyebrows investigate her forehead, causing it to crease. "I wasn't gonna say a thing about your old man bladder."

He tilts his head at her then, sending her an unimpressed glare when she looks all too pleased with herself, having managed to get some form of a jesting comment into her contradicting response.

Lily can't help but watch the pair before her. Merely two seconds of seeing them interact together and she was even more shocked that Donna wasn't who she thought she was.

"I see you've met each other then." he chances, eyes glancing between the pair as he dares to smirk lightly.

"We have.. No thanks to you." Donna smiles teasingly, before lightly jabbing him with her elbow. Something she doesn't recognise as an excuse just to feel close to him, seeing as she's never felt further apart from him.

He just smirks in response, knows that she's right and there's no point in arguing it.

"We better get going, mom." he nods towards her, hands in his pockets as his head points in the direction of the hallway.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Donna." Lily beams, extending her hand once more. "Hopefully it won't be another decade until we see each other again!"

"You too, and I hope not!" Donna grins in agreement before letting go of her hand. "Goodbye Lily."

Harvey finds himself lost in the exchange. The naturalness of their interactions unsettling him for reasons he dare not explore.

 _That's right! I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey._

He inhales, looks to Donna and nods.

"Good night, Harvey." she says when their eyes catch.

"Good night, Donna." Harvey replies after a moment - probably one too long - of staring.

As he turns his back and follows his mother out, it all feels wrong to him. Leaving Donna behind. The person who he knows deep down, no matter how much he tries to pin it down to someone else, convinced him that he had to make things right with his mother. No matter what he told himself, or Paula, to try and make his feelings for Donna less significant, less overpowering and time-consuming.

She didn't want him so he wasn't going to want her. Not in that way. Not if he had anything to do with it.

But all of that forced thought still couldn't submerge the the Donna-sized life-buoy that keeps peering its vibrant little head over his crystal clear waters.

The buoy that screamed; _this is wrong._

Only when he's fully out of sight does she let herself breathe. And let her body catch up to her mind as her lip trembles and her pulse pounds against the inside of her skin, as if desperate to escape her and run away from her thoughts, just like she was.

She inhales deeply, forcing herself back to an inward state of calm, in hope that the outward state would follow.

 _She was the one who let him go,_ she has to remind herself. She chose to lie. Or not to tell him the full truth, the hard truth. Whatever way she worded it in her head, she still chose not to tell him that she felt every ounce of love that she was physically and mentally capable of possessing, when she kissed him.

But she chose to lie.

For him.

Because he wasn't ready.

And after watching him head out that door, she's not sure if he ever will be.

 **…**

Harvey pulls out a chair for his mother, a shy smile curling at his lips as he watches her sit into the window table he reserved for them at Carbone. By the time he turns around to Paula, she has already seated herself down, so he sits in between them then too.

He doesn't fail to notice how unnatural the atmosphere feels and he can't blame it on the music -because it's jazz, or the lighting -because it's not too bright and not too dark.

He hasn't failed to notice how inquisitively, and perhaps even cautiously Lily has been eyeing his girlfriend since they met some ten minutes ago. A look he finds oddly familiar at first. One he has seen a thousand times before, but from a different observant woman in his life.

The anxious lawyer clears his throat while Paula picks up the menu, desperate to put something between her and his mother's glances.

Lily had smiled when she first met her. Until about two minutes in when she could see Harvey awkwardly shuffling on the spot. Like he was afraid to look at her lest she catch him out on a lie. Unbeknownst to her, yet, that lie was who Paula was.

He knew she would assume that this was 'someone very special' now. Why wouldn't she? When they spoke six months ago he had been the one to bring that certain someone up after all.

But the woman had a great gut instinct, and although this small blonde seemed nice, she didn't reflect that same sparkle that she saw in her son's eyes when he spoke of her that day, albeit briefly.

But, she was open to being wrong. Almost hoped that she was, and maybe she wasn't sensing the chemistry between them because they had had a row before they all met up or something. Because all she wanted was for him to be happy, and commit to what he had feared all his life because of her own secrets and lies -a healthy, loving relationship.

Harvey clears his throat, pulling his chair in under himself before he smooths down his already perfectly silky-smooth tie.

"So, we ready to order?" he asks after an appropriate amount of menu-ogling time.

"Yeah," Paula smiles, closing over the menu, "I'll think I'll go with the usual."

Harvey inhales, feeling like the shittiest boyfriend in the world, and quickly scanning the inner archives of his brain for her favourite foods. But all that comes to mind is shitty Thai and Chunky Monkey and - _wrong woman._

"Which is..?" he drags out, wincing his face into a sheepish, sorry-ass smile as he looks at her.

Paula glances at Lily in somewhat embarrassment, lowering her chin next as she eyes the table before inhaling and forcing a nonchalant chuckle. "Carbonara, Harvey."

"Of course." he nods, smiling at her to reassure her it had just slipped his mind, when really he's not even sure if he had any recollection of her ever eating pasta in front of him. Instead of questioning why he doesn't know these things - or more accurately, care to remember these things - he turns to his mother.

"You?" he smirks.

"I think I'll go for-"

"Don't tell me," he chuckles as his eyes scan the menu, a memory suddenly hitting him, the wave of nostalgia birthing a dopey grin across his face, "minestrone?"

Lily double-takes him, lowering her gaze at her son to peek at his beautiful features from under her glasses. She notices how much he has aged. Over the years of course, almost never seeing each other over the course of twenty years would definitely mean that he has noticeably changed. But more specifically, since he last came to visit her in Boston. She wonders what deepened his age lines and darkened the skin under his eyes.

"You remembered?"

"Of course, mom. It's your favourite dish." he smiles at her. "You used to make it for me and Marcus every Friday. ' _A special treat for getting through another week at school.'_ "

"I thought you didn't like it!" she laughs.

"I did, I was just a moody kid." Harvey reassures her in a deepened tone.

Lily beams, the corners of her eyes crinkling with mirth, both of them smiling at one another before they remember the third party. She turns her head to face the woman smiling opposite her.

"So Paula, are you a red or white kinda girl?" she inquires with an exhaled breath as she looks through the drinks menu, trying to sound as interested as possible.

"Red." Harvey answers, before looking over to her, his happy expression taking a turn when he notes that familiar, analysing expression staring at him, wrinkling the lines in her forehead and around her nose. He swallows.

"White actually." Paula corrects with a subtle sigh, trying her best to seem unscathed. "But I think I'm in the mood for a gin and tonic tonight."

Harvey quietly nods, his mind purely taken over by wonder. At why he was getting everything wrong. Why he was suddenly realising he didn't know all of these little details about her, when he so clearly thought he did. And why he was inserting all of these details, that seemed to belong to someone else, onto her. He couldn't make sense of it, so like always, he shrugs it off. Buries the thoughts deep in his mind until enough soil is covering them over. The thing is, even though they become invisible on the surface, they're still taking up space. They're always there. Nagging away at him. Causing a migraine and weighing him down.

Lily subtly furrows her brows, looking between the pair as they stare down at their menus once more. Pretending to be interested in their contents even though they knew exactly what they were ordering for when the waiter decided to return.

"So.." the older woman begins, leaning into the table as she folds her arms out in front of her, "how did you two meet?"

She figured it would have been an easy enough question for them to answer. Something to get the blonde talking too. But when she's met with an awkward expression and glances to her son who looks like he's just seen a ghost and swallowed a frog at the same time, her gut screams ' _not someone special'_ once more. She wonders if they even remember how they met. Why else would they both be stalling and looking to one another in hope that the other answers first?

Lily gives up then, cocking her head at the pair, she can't not dig around any longer. She wants to be proven wrong, that Paula _is_ the woman she needs to be thanking. After all, even Donna seemed to imply as much earlier.

"Surely," she looks away from Paula, a budding smirk forming as she rotates her head 45 degrees to her right, eyes landing on Harvey's nervous hazel gaze, "one would remember where he met his ' _special someone'?_ "

Harvey sits up immediately, about as subtle as a gun as he tries to change the subject, desperately. "Where's the damn waiter? How hard is it to get served around here?"

He cautiously chances a glance towards Paula on his right, a sickening motion unsettling his stomach as he sees her smiling sweetly at him. She thinks he's embarrassed because he told his mother that she was his someone special. His guilt grows ten fold, so much so that even the thought of eating a meal right now makes him want to barf.

"Harvey.." she says softly with a light tease to her voice, "I didn't know you were so sweet."

 _Do you two know anything about each other?_ Lily wonders silently.

He swallows again, his saliva is thicker now, yet he still feels incredibly dry after he gulps. He wants to evaporate into thin air. Not before he kicks himself in the face however, for ever thinking this would be a good idea.

But he wasn't left with much choice when she phoned him up last minute, having heard from Marcus what Harvey went through last week with his father's records, being forced to retire his hero's legacy. So she decided that she would meet up with him this weekend during an art history trip to the city with her class, knowing she'd be waiting forever for him to come to Boston. She wanted to make sure he was doing okay, and get things progressing on their rekindling relationship. But she would be flat out lying if she said she wasn't curious to meet the new woman in his life.

"Mhmm," Lily hums, nodding at the woman, "he was secretive, but he was on cloud nine when he told me about you."

"Cloud nine?" Harvey frowns, amused and weirded-out by her choice of phrase. Again, not daring to question what it meant that his mother thought he was on cloud nine when he was talking about Donna Paulsen.

"You were practically floating, son!" she muses with a chuckle. "That look in your eye!"

That's when his heart sinks. He knows Paula caught it.

"Look?" she quizzes with a sudden unease as she moves closer to the table. "So this wasn't a phone call then?"

"Paul-"

"A phone call?" Lily laughs mockingly towards her son. "I'd have more chance of winning the lottery than getting a phone call from this one.."

"I'm sorry," Paula swallows, "I'm confused?" She only looks at Lily, Harvey's silence and defeated demeanor telling her she best hound his mother for answers. "I didn't know you two had met up recently?"

"If you consider over six months ago recently." Lily scoffs.

"Six months.." Paula nods slowly, eyes staring into the jug before her as she quickly does the simple math that even a toddler could fathom. "Interesting.." She purposely lets her gaze fall on Harvey as he watches her scrutinize him the very way he hates.

He suddenly feels as though his seat is a long, cream couch and the dark walls are now decorated with matching, creamy interior instead, and he's got an hour to confess all of his secrets and sins.

"How so?" Lily quizzes.

"It doesn't matter." Harvey mutters, shuffling in his chair as he looks behind him for the waiter he was most surely not tipping as handsomely as he usually would now.

"Doesn't it?" Paula calls to get his attention back on her. Her blood heating up as her skin begins to feel as red as her dress.

"Can we just stop with the twenty questions, mom?"

"Alright.." she defends, waving her palms upright in one quick motion as her brows dart upwards in bemusement, "I thought it was a pretty standard question, but okay, I'll just not know anything about the woman my son is dating then."

"Mom-"

"I'll tell you," Paula frowns with a mirthless smile as she eyes Lily, who's looking at her confused at the pair of them, "about me."

"Paula." Harvey tries.

"Seeing as Harvey here clearly hasn't said a word about me." Her voice tries not to crack but when the reality of her realisation hits her fully, the latter half of her sentence is quickly trembling.

"I'm sorry.." Lily breathes out, now sure she was right, but somehow both happy and saddened that she was. "I didn't mean to…" She doesn't know what to say and trails off.

It's not even that he hadn't told his mother much about her, other than the fact that he was dating her. Or the fact that he hadn't told her that he had so recently had a 'someone special' in his life so soon before he asked her out. But the fact that, that certain someone was probably a certain redhead, that he wasn't even dating at all.

"We met at therapy. He came to see me."

"Paula." Harvey warns.

Lily frowns in bewilderment at the angered blonde's revelation before she continues.

"I was his therapist. And a year after he last came to see me, he asked me out." she informs, raising her chin.

Suddenly the atmosphere is undeniably tense. Too heavy and awkward for the three of them to carry on like nothing had happened.

Maybe she could have sucked it up and stayed had it not been for the last few weeks. The news that Donna had kissed her boyfriend and he supposedly wasn't affected by it. Although, her better judgement screamed otherwise. But he came knocking on her door with romantic declarations and sweet talk and she folded all of her cards to fall back into his almost-professional poker playing arms.

She was far too inwardly distraught to sit there any longer with all of this mulling over in her head. She clears her throat and looks to Lily with the sorriest smile she can muster with such painful thoughts and insecurities now shaping her mood.

"It was lovely to see you, Lily. But I'm actually going to head home for the night. I think I've lost my appetite." she says with an added tone towards the end as she side-eyes Harvey.

"Paula, you don't have to-" he frowns up at her as he watches her stand up, before she talks over him.

"I'll see you back home, Harvey." Her voice implies that she isn't finished with this topic and wants to wait until they're alone to discuss it. She gathers her coat and bag, sending Lily one last awkward smile before she exits.

"Aren't you gonna go after her?" Lily quizzes.

"She's not running away mom.." he growls, "she said she's going home."

He frowns lightly as he sets his jaw, thumb absentmindedly fiddling with his napkin.

His frown remains as he wonders why she used the word 'home' when she had turned down his offer to move in with him. Why was she calling it home? And why was he suddenly annoyed at the fact?

Lily recognises his silent sulking all too well and decides to give him a breather before she starts again. Knowing this increases her chances of a more positive response from him. She breathes out one more time before removing her glasses from her face, letting them hang over her chest by their string.

"Harvey. Listen to me." she sighs, scooting closer to him as she tilts her head to examine his broken features. "I don't know who that was. But I now know for certain that she wasn't the woman who convinced you to come see me. I mean, my gut told me as much from the second I saw you two together."

Harvey tests his last ounce of denial, because what else would he do after thirteen years of practicing the act?

"You wanna know who that was, _mother?_ That was my girlfriend. And now I'm in the dog house thanks to you."

Harvey reverts to silence again, causing Lily so sigh, again. She scans his face moments later, she sees how his eyes lower in defeat, his jaw loosens and his brows are only lightly knitted, as if what he was thinking of was too painful to fully show. Now is her chance to call him out.

"It's Donna, isn't it?"

His face is blank, ghostly, and his mouth gaped in surprise when he looks back up at her. "What?"

"You two aren't just friends -or colleagues, or whatever the hell you might call it, are you?"

Harvey just stares, brows furrowing with shock.

"That's right. I know all about her, son." she smiles innocently.

"How do y-"

"You may have not talked to me but.. I talked to your father and he talked to Donna." she informs him, a warm reminiscence in her tone.

Harvey allows himself to relax somewhat and smirk. Remembering the stories the redhead used to tell him about Gordon and his phone calls. And how she would tease him by saying his dad had a thing for her. And how he himself would wonder if he actually did, because who in their right mind wouldn't?

"He used to joke about how he was gonna make your secretary fall in love with him, by his mere voice alone."

"Don't tell me he sang to her?" Harvey cringes.

"No.." Lily chuckles, "well, I wouldn't be surprised."

"No..either would I." he muses fondly.

Lily stares at him then, so confused as to why he seemed so docile when it came to his personal happiness. She has her guesses, many of them to do with her, but they had begun to repair their relationship, buried their burdens, so this didn't add up as far as she was concerned.

"He'd want you to be happy, you know?" she chances after another moment of silence.

The corners of his lips crack upwards in spite of his face as he stares at the table. "I know."

"Are you?" she asks with a sweet concern before he catches her eyes again. "Happy?"

"I guess." he mumbles.

Lily sighs, his answer feeling like a punch in the gut.

"If you have to guess…then I'd say the answer is really no, son."

He looks back at her and catches her lips press together into a pitiful smile that he can't stand any longer. He impatiently waves his hand in the air as he catches eyes with the waiter, gesturing him over to signal that they're ready to order.

"Harvey.." she sighs, half-afraid to bring up the unethical elephant in the room, "your therapist?"

"Mom, we're gonna eat now. Okay?" he warns lightly, clearly returning to anti-emotion Harvey.

"Okay."

She knows not to test him further, for now.

She also knows she's not finished bringing up the redhead.

Not by a long-shot.

 **.**

As they step outside the restaurant, wrapping their arms against their bodies in the light nighttime chill, Lily looks at him to try and decipher his state of mind. She figured they had time to kill while she waited for her cab back to Boston, courtesy of Harvey. And she wanted to bring up his love life -or more accurately lack of love life - once more before she left.

"Are you in love with her, son?" she asks softly, cutting to the chase knowing time wasn't on her side. Time until her cab came, and until he would shut off to her.

"Mom, it's been less than four months." he rolls his eyes, glancing out onto the busy street.

She smiles almost sadly, her pupils examining him, and how lost he was considering he couldn't see what she meant.

"I wasn't talking about _her_." she says softly, gently even.

He sends her a disapproving glare then, cocking his head in annoyance. Yet his fearful eyes told her she should keep prying.

"Harvey, I saw the very same look on your face the day you mentioned her back home, as I did when I saw you two together in your office." She gives him a second to hear her words. "A mother _knows_."

"What do you want me to say, mom?"

It was oddly relieving, she was the one person he could let his Donna-walls down slightly in front of, because she didn't live in his world. There was no risk if he told her things. Admitted things.

And even though his words weren't overly telling, he let his body language do all the real talking. Shoulders lowered in defeat, face drawn out, eyes shaking lightly.

"Nothing." she smiles. "I just want you to be happy."

He looks at her again then, sheepishly. Swallowing back as his jaw clenches.

"And I don't think you're going to be very happy if you stay headed down this road."

"I can try." he blurts out, hands flapping against his sides. "Who am I if I just give up?"

"You're human."

He tilts his head at her, tears almost brewing under her lower lids, unable to watch him in such clear inner turmoil.

She sniffs back, inching closer to him. He glances over her head, watching her taxi pull up onto the kerb behind them before her voice demands his attention again.

"Harvey," she starts, worried this may set them back a bit, "I'm not here to lecture you but," she sighs, trying to dilute her anger at the following fact, "she was your therapist."

Harvey shuffles on the spot, jaw hardened, nostrils flared, clearly uncomfortable with broaching the subject as his eyes dart away.

She just follows his gaze with her head until she has his eyes again.

"I don't care what the laws say. She was supposed to _help_ you. Not shack up with you."

"Mom.." he warns, agitated by what she was making him realise. "Your cab is here."

Lily looks behind her before turning her head back to him, completely focused on him still.

She's pulling him in for a goodbye hug with her next breath, as if trying to squeeze sense into him.

"I hope you see it someday, son. Before it's too late. And you lose what you really want."

He buries his head in the crook of her neck, showing his full vulnerability over the subject, only when he knew she couldn't see him.

"Goodbye, mom." he says hoarsely as they break apart. "Safe trip home."

She nods, her arms still holding his biceps as she strokes him. "Visit soon."

"I will." he whispers, opening the door for her, sending her one more sweet smile before she slides in and he slams the door shut, eyes trained on the cab while it takes off down the street as he spaces out for a moment or two.

His _special someone_ claiming his thoughts entirely.

 **...**

Harvey pushes open the door to his apartment. Not much light greets him. The dull atmosphere inside matches the one in his mind. It's too quiet and he hates how he can hear the floor creaking underneath his cautious footsteps.

He'd never dreaded going home before. Because he was always going home to an empty home, a safe haven. Of course, sometimes he didn't _enjoy_ going home. Especially when it meant having to say goodbye to certain people at the office, just to spend the night alone -unless he had company of course. But he had never dreaded it.

However, he knew she would be there waiting this time. Ready to pounce. He didn't like feeling as if he was prey in his own den.

He meets her gaze once he nears the end of the hallway. She's sat on the couch. The fire isn't lighting. Just one of the lamps keeping the darkness at bay. He approaches her, trying his best to act normal, like he had nothing to confess, nothing to be ashamed of. The latter was true though, he wasn't ashamed. Maybe ashamed of keeping it from her, but that was all.

"Paula."

"Don't, Harvey."

"What do you mean 'don't?'" he frowns.

"I mean, I don't wanna hear it." she hasn't looked at him yet, staring off into the empty fire place as she stews. "You only want to talk when you're getting yourself out of a predicament."

"That's not true.."

He sits down opposite her, seeing as she won't look at him, his back to the wall. He tilts his head at her until she looks at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Paula quizzes.

"I didn't think I needed to? I went to see my mother months before we got together."

"Not that.." she frowns lightly, trying to remain calm, "you didn't tell me what persuaded you to go see her," she inhales then, looking him dead in the eye, "or rather, _who."_

"What does that matter?" he murmurs, his jaw setting slightly.

"It matters, Harvey, because the other week you came to my office to try get back in my good books, after the situation between you and Donna drove us apart. And you told me I was the one to make you see sense with your mother ' _not Donna'_."

"Pau-"

"I never even brought it up! You did! Why would you feel the need to lie about it, when you could have just said nothing?" she asks in confusion.

"I was tryna make things right between us!?"

"By lying to me?"

"I wasn't lying to you, Paula." he says, a fresh annoyance in his tone now.

"What would you like to call it then? A manipulation of the truth?" she scoffs, knowing his lawyer brain would try get him out of this.

"You _did_ help me with my mother-"

She cuts him off yet again. Only one thing on her mind. One person.

"But someone else convinced you to go see her! ' _Someone very special'_ if I'm not mistaken?"

Harvey sits back slightly, frowning at her with parted lips.

"You already know I care about her, Paula. Are you jealous that I called her special now?"

"I'm not jealous." she sighs before her voice falters. "I'm _threatened_."

"Of what?" Harvey asks gently.

"That look in your eye." she sadly smiles as he lowers his brows even further. "The one your mother said you had when you mentioned Donna."

He has nothing to say. He looks down, shuffles a bit before clenching his jaw. Until the silence becomes too much for him.

"It was before we were even together.." he mumbles hoarsely, feeling like it was a sorry-ass excuse.

"That's beside the point, Harvey."

He watches her shaking her head at his apparent obliviousness to the exact reason for her insecurities.

"So what _is_ the point then?"

"That whether you were aware of it or not, you flat out lied to me about what convinced you to make things right with your mother."

Her therapist-tone is returning, making him feel even more uneasy about the entire situation.

"I didn't lie." he reinforms her, slowly. Becoming quite agitated about being called a liar.

"Like you didn't lie when you came home the night Donna kissed you? Or when you had the chance to tell me that the two of you had slept together in the past, but didn't?"

He half regrets letting her walk out of the restaurant now. She has clearly had too much time to think all of this over in her mind. She had an answer for everything.

"That's not th-"

"Don't even try to say that's not the same as lying. Because to me, it is!" She holds her hand to her chest as she points to herself, trying her best to stay calm.

"What do you want me to do, Paula? I can't take it back."

"I want you to realise that secrets and lies have become a huge part of our relationship," she exhales before continuing, "and they all start and end with Donna."

He doesn't want to add to his lies and say that's not true, when he knows it is. He lets out a deep breath. Another lie of his pops into his head that he feels sick about, especially with her cold blue eyes trained on him.

' _That doesn't mean I want more.'_

 _Maybe I am a liar,_ he thinks.

He feels uneasy. Like he knows where this is going.

"What do you want me to do, Paula? I've already told you, she's very much apart of my life, and I like having her in my life." he reiterates from his speech to her about a week prior.

Paula inhales, releasing a long, deep breath.

"I don't _want_ you to do anything, Harvey. You're a grown man and can make your own decisions.. All I'm saying is.." she trails off, prepared for this to all blow up in her face.

"What?"

She takes in a deep breath before swallowing.

"If you keep working with Donna.. we won't survive."

He bows his head, eyes shut in disbelief, even though he could very much believe this was where tonight was headed. So it was probably more disappointment than anything.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean.." he grumbles, thumb and index now massaging his temple.

"She's too embedded in your life, Harvey." Paula explains, her voice softening somewhat. "There isn't room for the three of us. Not with how the two of you do things."

"That's not true, we've been fine up until.." He realises what he was going to say, sheepishly looking away from her.

"Until you kissed." she finishes for him.

"She kissed me.." He sounds like he's trying to convince himself of that more than he is her, and it only stings her even more.

"And what about our first disagreement?"

"What about it?"

"Donna, Harvey! It was about Donna! And you not being able to tell her about us." She waves her hands about as she speaks, amazed he needed so much explanation. "And here we are again. Arguing about her. That's three times now, in as many months!"

"Are you seriously suggesting that I fire her?" he narrows his eyes at her, protective-mode almost in full swing. "Because then you don't know me at all."

Paula sighs, fed up and tired of going in circles. She stands up and collects her bag, looking down at the shadow of a man she thought she knew so well. She probably should have ended it right then and there. But her own demons wouldn't let her, for whatever reasons.

"I'm not suggesting anything," she corrects, eyes cast down at him as he looks up, "I'm just stating the obvious. And I can't do this for much longer. Not like this, not anymore."

He doesn't even have the energy to stand up, to convince her to stay, that she has this all wrong. He just waits for her next words, which he's pretty sure he can guess.

"It's me or her, Harvey."

She doesn't wait around for an answer. She knows he needs time. And also, she's not sure if she's ready for his answer right now. Petrified, with good reason, that it's not going to be the one she hopes for.

He forces his eyes shut after hearing her ugly ultimatum. All he registers other than his heavy heartbeat are her heels clicking against the floor and the latch of the front door opening before she shuts it behind her.

Hadn't she left, he knows what he would have told her. Or what his face would have told her for him. Straight away. That he's not cutting Donna from his life, and anyone that cared about him wouldn't ask him to do that.

But she did leave, and naturally other thoughts had time to set in then.

Angry ones, bitter ones, resentful ones.

But he's not entirely sure he's focusing them on the right woman.


	2. Chapter 2

_Part II_

* * *

A couple nights pass. Harvey still hasn't returned to Paula with an answer. He has become more irritable by the day. Something Donna hasn't failed to notice. She let him be, however. Not wanting to jeopardise their already fragile friendship when he was clearly not ready or willing to talk about whatever it was, with her.

It had felt somewhat like old times the other week. Chatting, drinking and listening to his dad's beloved records in his office. She couldn't help but feel older this time around though. Like so much time had past since they had done the very same, in the office which now belonged to their surrogate son.

She's passing by late that night, on her way back from Louis' office when she stops in her tracks. She bites the inside of her bottom lip, each index finger playing with each thumb. She inhales, deciding to go in, because he's sat on his couch, hunched over some files that he's mindlessly staring at and she doesn't think she can cope with not knowing what's wrong with him anymore.

He looks up at the sound of her light knock, more like a tap, not wanting to startle him.

"Hey." she offers sweetly, eyes trained on him as she walks over.

"Hey." he mimics, a raspier edge to his voice.

She decides to just bite the bullet. It's late and everyone's tired. She doesn't have time to do her Donna-thing and she knows this isn't the time for that anyway. Judging by his fatigued expression and the irritation threatening to return to his eyes at any moment, she thinks it would be best to just ask him straight out.

"Are you okay, Harvey?"

"I'm fine, Donna," he lies, a hint of appreciation in his tone as he looks back down at the papers, "it's just been a long week and I'd like to make it home soon."

"Anything I can help you with?" she says moving forward, her chirpy tone only adding to his inner turmoil. His guilt at even considering Paula's ultimatum making him angry at himself, which he lets out at the wrong person.

"No.." he grumbles, "you've done enough."

She stops up closer to him then, his cold-sounding words cutting her actions short.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing.." he shakes his head before breathing in, "you should go home, it's late."

"Harvey, I don't feel comfortable leaving you like this.."

He rolls his eyes, afraid of the confrontation he knows will arise if she sticks around.

"Did something happen with your mother? Because you've been in a mood since she left this weekend and-" She's cut off by his overly dramatic scoff, refusing to look at her as his blood begins to boil. She inhales, her worry and unease increasing. "Harvey if you've got something to say?"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Donna. Please just leave it."

She sighs, tilting her head at him, wishing he would look up at her.

"Look, I know you have every right to lately, but please don't shut me out. I'm worried about you."

"That's funny.." he smiles humorlessly before finally glancing up at her bewildered frown glowering down at him, "seeing as _you're_ the reason I'm in this mess."

"Excuse me?" she whispers, her heart starting to sting as she inches back ever so slightly, wishing she hadn't walked into the lion's den now, this was going somewhere painful, and fast. "What ' _mess',_ exactly?"

"Doesn't matter.. I wanna be alone right now."

He's biting his tongue, desperately trying not to bring it up. But deep down, some part of him wants him to, because she makes him see sense, and maybe she'll smack some into him for even taking this long to tell Paula where to shove it.

"No.." she drags out the word, becoming annoyed now too, their moods all too often mimicking one another, "you just blamed me for something, and I wanna know what it is that I've done?" she bobs her head, waving her palms at her sides before smacking them back against the white fabric of her dress.

"Donna.."

"What is it, Harvey!?" she demands.

"You've messed with my relationship, Donna!" he shouts when she tests his temper. "Again." he grumbles.

Donna pulls her head back, brows lowered in utter shock, confused as to what she has supposedly done since they reconciled, and since he and Paula reconciled, that would have _messed with his relationship._

She feels like screaming. And telling him that that relationship was always a mess to begin with.

"And how exactly have I done that?"

He wishes he hadn't said anything. How is he supposed to tell her the whole 'special someone' thing? Unbeknownst to him, she already knows about that, thanks to Lily.

Seeing as he can't tell her about the most recent Donna-sized road block to halt the traffic in his relationship with Paula, he bends the truth.

"What do you think you've done, Donna?" he narrows his eyes, implying the kiss as his lips twitch.

She's too quick and intuitive as usual, and doesn't let him away with being so evasive.

"No.." she frowns, "you said 'again'.. meaning something else has happened between us moving on.. and right the hell now." She moves forward slightly, pointing to the ground as she demands answers.

 _Us moving on._

This only aggravates him further. And the fact that it aggravates him, only aggravates him even more so.

"You wanna know, Donna?" he says in that condescending tone of his. "She gave me a choice."

"What choice?" she asks straight away, shaking her head as she frowns, looking over his head and out onto the skyline before meeting his guilt-ridden gaze again.

"You or her." he murmurs.

His answer has her double-taking him. Her arms fall back to her sides and her mouth parts further in astonishment. She examines him as her chest rises and falls.

"That doesn't make any sense. There is no _us._ You shouldn't have to choose." Her voice is near to a whisper now, far from the standoffish tone she had seconds prior to his answer. She feels uneasy. Physically more than mentally. Her head is starting to spin. "She's the one you're in a relationship with, not me."

"Well apparently she thinks there's three in our relationship." he replies coldly, not sure how much he should actually be telling her. But something in him is itching to talk about the nature of his and Donna's relationship, with her.

"That's ridiculous. I've given you more than enough distance lately. We don't even talk outside the firm anymore." She's trying her best to stay calm, but the truth behind her argument is starting to sting and it's cutting through her throat as she speaks.

"I know, Donna. But-"

"But what?"

"She's insecure okay? And she was cheated on before so none of this has helped matters." he tries his best to make excuses for her.

"Oh my god." she whispers, a mirthless smile teasing the corners of her mouth as her heart starts to weigh down her chest.

"What?"

"You've already chosen her, I can see it." she nods, looking up into thin air as she spaces out, tears lining her lower lids.

"I haven't _chosen_ anything, Donna. And I'm not _going_ to choose because she will see sense, she's just pissed off-"

"About what!? And don't tell me I already know because that's bullshit and you know it! Something else happened, just tell me!" she shouts, becoming impatient with the entire situation now.

He figures he may as well be the honest man he thinks he is before he decides to just come clean.

"I told her that she was the reason I fixed things with my mother.."

Donna swallows the hurt she feels at his words, unsure why they even stung so bad. Probably his blatant disregard for her support during a time where Dr. Agard was nowhere to be found, just like the twelve years before he met the woman she was almost coming to hate.

"..and then when my mom came to town, Paula figured out it was really _you_."

She meets his gaze then, completely taken aback, blindsided by his admission.

"I only went to Boston.." he exhales, looking back down, "because you convinced me to."

This isn't news to either of them. They both know he only went because she showed up at his apartment and encouraged him to get on the plane. But somehow, voicing it out loud and him acknowledging it like this hits home for the both of them.

Lily's words ring in her ear then. About what he said about Donna when he went to see her. It becomes too much to bear. The questioning. The wondering. The regretting.

So, she reverts back to his ultimatum after a lengthy silence.

"How does she expect you to choose? I mean, you're still gonna see me at work everyday?"

Harvey can't answer. Can't voice the fact that Paula specifically meant them working together was the issue. So his face answers for him.

"Oh." she blinks, a joyless smile cracking at her lips as it hits her and she feels stupid for not guessing sooner.

She can't deny that the fact he's even sitting there stewing over all of this rather than telling Paula to take a hike if she wants him to cut her off, hurts more than anything else in the world right now.

She swallows down the dryness in her throat.

"She wants you to fire me."

"She's just mad-"

"And you're making excuses for her." she nods with a humorless, tearful chuckle, her throat beginning to bubble.

"What do you want from me, Donna?" he asks coldly, his raised voice only setting her off further.

"I want you to be there for me _now_ like I've been there for you _every single day!"_ she cuts through him with more anguish in her voice than she thought humanly possible.

He has never heard her sound so utterly heartbroken in all his life. The shakiness in her tone and the disappointment in her face as she stares down at him making him want to throw up. He wants to get up and comfort her but he forces himself to remember that she doesn't have feelings for him. She kissed him, and left him to cope with the feelings she reignited inside of him. Along with the guilt it shackled to his heart.

"You put me in this position."

Donna steps back, cocking her head as her eyes turn to slits. Unsure if she's more angry or hurt.

"No, Harvey. _You_ did. She forgave you for the kiss." She gestures between them then to emphases her next point. "This is because you keep on keeping things from her." Donna bites back, the hurt form his reply fueling her own frustration now.

"I'm in a relationship with her, Donna." he breathes out, his life-long goal to be the opposite of his mother guiding his response. "Who am I supposed to choose here?"

"Someone who would never ask you to make that kind of decision in the first place!" She all but shouts back.

"Well you're asking me now." he replies bluntly as he blinks up at her.

She sends him a puzzled frown, shocked she was having to have her own back so much when it came to him, and her.

"Only because she put this on you, and now I'm tryna defend myself!"

He sighs, waves his hands about as he speaks. "Donna! I told you, this will all blow over. I don't have to-"

"Bullshit! You're thinking about it, I can see it!"

Harvey stands up, feeling too powerless sitting down beneath her hazel-green gaze.

"What do you expect!? Like you said! _There is no us._ There's no feelings there remember?"

They share a stare, Donna trying to figure out if he meant something deeper, Harvey wondering if he was trying to bait her into talking about what they really felt.

He releases a breath, she wasn't answering so he needed to move on from it, quickly.

"I'm trying my hardest to give this relationship a go, Donna. To commit, like you always encouraged me to do in the past."

"Not with women that tell you that you can't have me in your life anymore." Her honestly only adds to his shame.

"Donna-"

"I can't believe you right now.." she says coldly, and slowly, "I'm not sure I can even recognise you."

He lowers his head, unable to hear those words or watch her just as equally disgusted expression.

"And you know what, Harvey? Relationships shouldn't be that hard to maintain." she informs him, having gathered herself somewhat, channeling all of her hurt into resentment. "So maybe you're not in the right one."

She straightens up, tears almost about to fall as she pulls her eyes away from him, biting the inside of her lip before numbly carrying herself back to her office where she would collect her things and leave.

He sits back down even though he wants to run after her, but he doesn't even know what he would say. And besides, his body won't let him. Too run down from recent weeks to get back up and fight.

So instead, he reminds himself of all the things she said to him in the lobby the night after their kiss.

' _I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey.'_

 _She doesn't have feelings, for you._

' _Whatever I thought might be there, wasn't.'_

 _She doesn't want more, with you._

' _So you can relax if that's what you're worried about.'_

He can't relax. Not fully. Because he lied to her. That was exactly what he was worried about. And still is. Her having feelings for him. Because that meant he would have to address his own feelings for her.

But then she pulled the rug out from under him with her own admissions, and he fell backwards, landing right on top of his denial-sized comfort blanket.

' _That's not what I'm worried about.'_

So he lets her leave. In hope that Paula won't actually make him choose. And once everything is straightened out, he can take himself into Donna's office with his tail between his legs and grovel.

Little did he know he wouldn't get the chance to.

 **…**

The following week is interesting to say the least. Donna and Harvey are unsurprisingly distant since their gut-wrenching fallout. She had spent all week being professional, as way to distract from bigger issues. Only speaking to him when needed. He had tried to steer the conversation back to them a few times but she would cut him off and leave his office, or wherever they were, before he could do that.

She was dreading his answer. And all week she was working on a plan of her own so he wouldn't have to choose at all. So he wouldn't have to tell her that he chose Paula.

After sitting on it, she could see that he needs to. It doesn't hurt any less. But the woman - for whatever reasons - is his girlfriend, what else does she expect? She loves him far too much, and knows having to tell her to her face would break him in two and she doesn't have the relationship authority, nor the energy, to put him back together anymore. That emotional glue has been passed on to another woman now.

So she has decided to focus on herself. And how she can get out of this mess as unscathed as possible.

By the start of the week she has her answer. By mid-week she follows through on a plan of action. By today, she has landed herself a new job.

 **.**

Harvey has used the distance to think on his own plan. The one to tell Paula that he isn't going to choose.

This decision was his own. He couldn't ask for anyone else's opinion on the matter. Not Mike, not Louis and not his mother. And, well, definitely not Donna.

If he couldn't figure out what to do, on his own, then he figured he didn't deserve either of them.

But he knew which woman he would choose, if he had to. He knew from the second he was given the ultimatum. Deep down, anyway. It just scared him to think about what it meant for him, that he would choose a woman who isn't in love with him, over a woman who is.

So he decides to gamble. Tell Paula he isn't picking sides because they're grown adults and not twelve years old. And if she happens to accept that answer, then great, he still has Donna 2.0 in his life.

 **…**

"Hey.." he whispers sheepishly, hands in his pockets as he stands in her doorway, the city lights flickering behind her.

She looks up, stops what she was typing up and shuts her laptop.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?" he murmurs gently.

Had it not been for their most recent brawl, she would have said 'of course'. But the thought of talking, especially with what she knew and he didn't, made her feel physically sick.

"Depends. I've got a lot of paperwork to tie up here before I head home for the weekend," _For the foreseeable future,_ she corrects in her head. "Is it urgent?"

He's slightly confused. He figured she would have known that this was a personal chat, and not a business one, considering how late it was and the tone of voice he was using. She always knew. So why wasn't she as willing to listen? _The row,_ o _f course,_ he reminds himself.

He swallows, inhales deeply as he straightens up, inching into her work space and stopping in front of her desk. He's floored by how good she looks in every lighting the office has to offer. The two-hundred or so window lights in the background dancing against her deep, golden locks, her widened eyes sparkling up at him. Everything about her just reassures him that he is making the right decision.

"I'm going to see Paula now." he says softly.

Donna registers the words she was dreading and catches her chest rising and falling, heavily, from the corners of her vision.

"Good." she smiles.

"Good?" he furrows his brows, unsettled by how okay she seemed about it all, especially given how badly she had taken the news the first time around.

"Yes." she nods, her face blank. "You're making the right decision, Harvey."

"And what decision is that?" He's genuinely curious as to what she believes he's telling her.

"Look, I know what I said before, but, she's your girlfriend and if.." she stops, shaking her head lightly as she summons up the strength to continue with her facade, "if she wants us to stop working together then that's what we'll do."

"Donna-" he frowns, almost in disgust at how wrong that entire answer just sounded.

"It's okay, Harvey." she smiles again. "I put us in this position. I put you in this position. And now it's time for me to help get us out of it."

 _You put me in this position._

He feels sick at the sound of his own words falling back out of her mouth. Like he had convinced her they were true, when he didn't even think they were true.

"By you leaving?"

"Yes-"

"Are you serious right now?" He's in disbelief, eyes narrowed and mouth agape.

She's slightly taken aback. She figured she was giving him the easy way out. So he wouldn't have to tell her he had to let her go. But his reaction wasn't adding up.

"Deadly serious, Harvey." She can only look back up at him after she says it.

"Donna, you're not thinking straight-"

"I've had the entire week to think straight, Harvey. This is what I want to do."

"Want?" he challenges.

"Need." she clarifies, eyes pointed at him.

"You belong here, Donna." Harvey states almost frantically, his voice becoming grainier as his throat feels like it's closing over.

She sees his eyes sparkle with a fresh layer of liquid, only making it ten times harder to remain strong, for him. _It's for the better,_ she convinces herself.

"Not when your relationship is at risk because of me being here."

"It's not at risk.." he trails off, shaking his head as he fails to find truthful words. His hands fall out of his pockets and his fists clench at his sides. He thinks he may draw blood if he buries his nails any deeper into his palms.

"Harvey," she says calmly, "if you had chosen me straight away, I wouldn't even be considering it. But you didn't." she smiles as sweetly as she can, before finding the strength to continue. "Because you love her. And there's nothing wrong with that. And I sure as hell am not gonna stand in the way of that. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."

He wonders what made her say _love._ He's never said as much.

"I wasn't gonna choose, Donna." he replies weakly, distraught at how calm she was, how put together she sounded, how okay she seemed at the prospect of them losing each other. His inner distress has him completely forgetting about her Bachelors in Theatre.

"But you have to. Or else you'll lose her."

Donna stands up, swiftly yet carefully making her way towards him. She pulls to a stop a safe two feet away.

"You have to fight for her, Harvey." she tells him, almost shakily. "This is where you've lost all the other women in the past because you didn't fight hard enough. You can't just tell her you're not gonna pick. You have to choose."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'm telling you it's okay to."

"You're not hearing me right, Donna-" He tries to talk about them but she unknowingly cuts him off.

"Harvey. Go see her." she nods. "Before it's too late."

A part of her was worried that if he was too late, he would resent her for it.

She surprises them both by stepping closer, filling in the gap with her feet and a sweet smirk while wrapping her arms around his neck. The sleeves of her white dress constricting around her arms as she squeezes him tightly, until he was doing the same to her.

She bites her tongue as she feels his warmth trickle from his body to hers. As her nose and throat begin to sting with the threat of a tearful outburst, she forces her eyes shut and swallows down any doubts she had that this was the right decision.

She wants to tell him that this is their goodbye. Not that she feels as though she will never see him again, but today was her last day at the firm and once she leaves that lobby tonight, she has no intentions of returning.

But she can't tell him. If she knows him, which she does, he's already thinking of ways to keep her at the firm and only being agreeable tonight for argument's sake. So if she tells him she's resigning this soon, he's never going to go tell Paula what she thinks he wants to tell her.

He can't help but hold on tighter. Lean his head towards her, inhaling her alluring scent. Every touch, since the kiss, has been subconsciously compared to his embraces with Paula. He desperately wants to feel what he feels when Donna holds him, or kisses him, when he does the same with his girlfriend. Because she's the one that has feelings for him, _not Donna._

The longer they hold on, the more guilt builds up in the pit of his stomach. So he loosens his grip until they're both simultaneously pulling back.

Once they are parted, and it hits him how much he wants them to be connected, in every way, he acknowledges for the first time that he _does_ have to choose.

He questions whether the glassiness of her eyes is purely due to her decision that they shouldn't work together anymore. He recognises the look though. The very same one she wore after they kissed. Which gets him thinking. That look didn't match the words she spat at him in the lobby. Not in the slightest. He never questioned it before. The shock of her admission throwing him so off-balance that he forgot how two-sided that kiss felt, and just took her word for it. Because she's Donna, _why would she lie?_

But now, realising how desperate she is to save his relationship, once again, he knows exactly why she might have held back.

 _For him. Always for him._

She sniffs and looks down at the ground before nodding her head towards the door and offering him an adorable smirk.

"Go on, get out of here."

"I'll see you Monday." he smiles, he can feel that it doesn't reach his eyes however. "We can talk more."

She figures that's Harvey-code for 'I'll figure this out. You're not leaving the firm'. Which only adds to her guilt.

"Good night, Harvey."

"Good night, Donna." he smirks back, inwardly adding up the thoughts in his head, desperate to make sense of them all.

She watches him leave, paints on a smile as her head follows him until he's out of sight. Her eyes widen then, her mouth parts as she breathes out, top lip quivering as she tries to reel back in her feelings.

Fear. Despair. Guilt. Shame. Heartache.

"Donna are you okay?"

The redhead spins around to the far door and finds Rachel, standing just inside her office with that familiar look of concern plastered over her pretty features.

She darts her eyebrows upwards, looking down as she shuffles on the spot, turning to head back to her desk now. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine I just-"

"You don't look fine.." Rachel states, her tone telling Donna she wasn't buying it as she makes steps towards her. "I just saw Harvey leave your office, is everything okay between you two?"

"Yes. Rachel." she sighs, opening back up her laptop, coming face-to -face with her resignation letter once more as the screen lights up. "Everything is fine."

The fluorescent light only amplifies Donna's teary eyes. Rachel sighs, her brows knitting with worry, she softens her voice even more so. "So why does it feel like you're lying to me?" She inches closer until she's at the edge of Donna's desk.

The COO shuts her computer once more, making Rachel even more suspicious.

"You know what Rachel? I don't appreciate being called a liar," she raises her brows, staring at her coldly, "And I am nowhere near in the mood for an inquisition right now. I have far too much work to do, so unless you've got a firm-related question, I'd like to get back to my job."

Rachel knows far too well by now that this is how her friend deals with personal inquiries when she's not ready to divulge her feelings yet. Especially when they're to do with Harvey. Classic Donna-deflection.

It didn't overly phase her. She knew the redhead was far too much of an empath not to come knocking with her tail in between her legs, either two hours, or two days from now.

"Okay, Donna." she sighs with a small, reassuring smile. "You know where I am."

When she leaves, Donna relaxes into her chair, rolling her eyes at her own behaviour, lightly chewing the inside of her lip.

She decides to give it an hour or two before she apologises.

.


	3. Chapter 3

Part III

* * *

Harvey knocks on her door. He steadies himself as he waits for it to open once he hears her shuffling towards him. He thinks of the first time he knocked. When he came looking for some therapy with an excuse about not being able to sleep, just so he could get his hands on some anti-anxiety pills. He shakes the sickening feeling when it hits him how this relationship began in the first place.

Because he couldn't tell Donna how he loved her.

"Harvey." she greets as she opens the door, face blank but her tone surprised, as if she'd given up hope of him showing up.

"Can I come in?"

"That depends on what you're here to say." Paula responds bluntly, in no mood for a drawn out breakup if that's what he was here for.

"Can't I come in a anyway?"

"Harvey, there's really no need to drag this out. You obviously have your answer. So just be a man and tell me." She folds her arms under her chest, feeling quite vulnerable now.

He swallows, looks her dead in the eye, and thinks of that look in the redhead's eye as he left her office half an hour previous, when he opens his mouth.

"I choose her." he nods, clenching his jaw as her hardened expression falters somewhat, her nose wrinkling when her brows furrow.

"Right." she says, voice lightly trembling as she nods slowly. "Well, I guess that's that then."

"Paula.." he pleads, needing to explain things, if not to ease his own guilt, "she's been the one constant in my life. I can't just drop her because you want me to. She's my best friend."

"Friend?" she scoffs, the word feeling like a smack in the face.

"Yes." he responds, plain-faced, knowing where this was going.

"Harvey when the hell are you going to wake up and realise that there's nothing _friendly_ between you two?"

"Paul-"

"No! I'm not letting you justify yourself just so you can feel better about ending things."

She got it too right and it only makes him feel worse.

"That's not what I was doing."

"Do you think for one second, that if you and Donna were _just friends_ , that we would even been stood here?" She asks rhetorically, her head shaking at him while her hands wave about. "Actually! If you and Donna were just friends, we never would have met in the first place! I let myself forget that time and time again, because I hated how true it was."

The fact that she's right about that, without even knowing what forced Donna to leave him in the first place only screams at him further that he's making the right decision.

"What are you saying?"

"You know exactly what I'm saying, Harvey. The question is whether you're ever going to be brave enough to say it to the right woman."

He stares at her then, taking in her words. She was hitting each nail on the head. There was nothing he could add.

"I'm sorry, Paula." he murmurs after an extended silence, eyes expressing his regret at how he has handled things.

"Don't be," she says in defeat, too exhausted to even shout, or cry, or even care as much anymore, "I should have seen this coming." she scoffs lightly. "It was inevitable."

"No, this isn't on you."

He tries his best to console her, still not quite seeing how much she was to blame in all of this too. Maybe someday he would be able to look back, and realise the full extent of what exactly happened in her office behind those doors.

She looks to her side, pulling her set of keys off the table beside her. She removes the one he gave her and hands it back to him without further delay. He takes it from her without protest. She frowns lightly.

"It was never really mine, was it?"

He looks down at the key in his hand, thumb caressing the metal as he inhales before looking back up at her, his face telling her all she needed to know.

"Goodbye, Harvey."

"Goodbye, Paula." he replies before she shuts the door, and he feels bad about how much lighter his shoulders feel.

 **…**

Amid the 'inevitable' breakup, Donna had taken herself to Rachel's office. An apology ready at the tip of her tongue. She opens the door and stands there with a sorry smile, her face still looking just as hurt as when Rachel had left her.

"I'm sorry, Rach." she begins, her head tilting as she gauges her friend's reaction, her hand still holding the door open as she stands.

"Donna, I know you are, it's fine." Rachel whispers, closing over the folder she had in front of her. "But can you please just tell me what's going on? Did Harvey do something?"

"No," she chuckles mirthlessly before her eyes stare into space and her brows heighten, "I did."

She looks to Rachel, who was now more confused and intrigued than ever. She shuts the door closed behind her and turns to face her again.

"I kissed him."

"What!?" Rachel whispers loudly, completely taken aback by the admission. "Why?"

Donna makes her way to the chairs opposite Rachel, taking comfort in one of them as she flashes her eyes to the ceiling, lightly shaking her head as she sits down, her voice becoming slightly higher.

"Just- I had to _know_."

"Know what?" she asks, even though she could take a guess.

Donna inhales, tongue poking the inside of her cheek, her eyes looking down at her fidgeting hands resting on her lap.

"If there was really anything _more_ there."

"And?"

Donna looks up, her face answers for her but she vocalises it anyway. Because she hasn't talked about it truthfully with anyone since it happened over three weeks ago now. And she needs a friend. She also needs to hear herself tell the truth. For her own sanity.

"There was."

Rachel sighs. Pressing her lips together, she offers Donna a comforting smile, one formed with warmth and empathy.

"How did he take it?"

She chooses to avoid the whole story. It still feels too raw and she's tired. With a deep inhale, she begins to fill in the blanks for the brunette.

"Badly, at first. Until I told him I didn't feel anything when I kissed him."

"But you just told me-"

"I lied to him, Rachel." she lets out a humorless laugh at herself having just scolded Rachel earlier for implying that she was a liar. "Turns out I'm a pretty practiced liar when it comes to Harvey.. and how I feel about him."

"Is that why you lied to him? Because he wasn't taking it well?"

"Partially." Donna inhales. "I guess I wanted to give him an out. He had been treating me like shit all day and I panicked. I wanted to press reset because I felt like I was losing him. And then when I told him why I did it -because of how blurry are lines are, he told me that doesn't mean he wants more. And that was my chance to backtrack, and I took it." she exhales.

"Donna.. I'm so sorry.."

"But then-" she cuts herself short, brows lowering as she thinks.

"Then what?"

"He actually admitted that the kiss affected him." She looks back down at her lap, shaking her head at her next words. "But by then it was too late, I had already lied. And he was bottling up again soon..so I still gave him the out. And he took it."

"So he doesn't think you have feelings for him?" Rachel asks to clarify.

"Nope." she smirks in defeat. "In fact, we even hugged and made up. But now.." Donna trails off, her mind roaming back to their painful row.

"Now what..?"

"Paula gave him an ultimatum." She looks up and sighs, exasperation evident in her features.

"Let me guess." Rachel sighs in disgust. "You or her."

"Yep." Donna widens her eyes, pressing her lips together as her chest rises.

"That's ridiculous. He's never gonna choose her over you." The young lawyer frowns before offering a comforting smile of reassurance. "You have nothing to be worried about, Donna."

"I told him to choose her, Rachel."

"What?" she whispers loudly.

"She's his girlfriend.." the redhead tries to reason, still not feeling fully convinced that the fact was enough herself.

"But you're _Donna!"_

"What was I supposed to do? Sit back and watch another one of his relationships crumble? I want him to be happy. And having to choose would have destroyed him. So-"

"You gave him an easy out _..again._ " Rachel mumbles, as if somewhat unimpressed at her friend's selfless actions.

"Yes."

"I don't understand.. is he just supposed to not talk to you at work anymore? That's impossible you're COO of this firm and he's managing partn-" Rachel stops before she can finish. Donna's sweet smile and tilted crown telling her what she was missing thus far. "No..Donna."

"It's what I came by to tell you ..after I apologised."

Rachel starts becoming more frantic the longer she sits with the idea of Donna leaving.

"You can't leave. It's not right. You belong here and if Harvey can't see that-"

Donna butts in to set her friend straight.

"He _does_ see that. He said the same thing. But I told him it has to be done. And if I know Harvey.. he's already trying to think of a way to keep both me _and_ Paula in his life…"

"So..?"

"So…" Donna sighs, wondering how foreign her next words would feel rolling off her tongue, "today was my last day working at the firm." Very foreign, it turns out. She may as well have been speaking a different language.

Rachel leans forward, brows messed in disbelief, especially at the suddenness of it all. "Today!?"

"I've already found a new job at a firm in the city and Gretchen agreed to help me find a replacement, and assign some of my workload to capable staff until we find the right person."

Everything was sounding so formal, so robotic. Nothing about this felt right, for either of them.

"But _you're_ the right person, Donna."

"Not anymore. Not if it means I'm standing in the way.."

Rachel sighs, seeing how much the redhead had already made up her mind.

"I can't believe you're leaving.."

"It's fine, Rachel. _I'm fine._ I've had the week to sit with it and I think the change will do me good." She forces a smile, desperate to sound as chirpy and positive as possible without it being overkill.

But any amount would have been overkill for Rachel at this stage because nothing about this was any way positive in her mind.

"We're still gonna see each other, Rach. It's just a change of job, I'm not moving away or anything." Donna offers her an awkward smile, desperate to lighten the mood.

"Doesn't feel like it." mumbles the brunette.

"Just give it time."

Rachel furrows her brows in thought. "Harvey has no idea, does he?"

"No." she breathes out. "And I would like it to stay that way."

"What you're just gonna leave tonight without telling him?"

"He's already gone for the night, he won't be here tomorrow so that gives me until Monday, which by then he will have patched things up with Paula. And if I'm already gone, he can't ruin it by trying to get me to stay."

"Still doesn't make any of this right."

She nods in agreement, before sighing. "Look, Rachel, I know leaving a letter isn't ideal. And he deserves better than that. But, it's the only way."

"I know.." Rachel whispers, "I just wish it wasn't."

Donna sees the disapproval, of the entire situation, in her friends entire expression. She leans forward somewhat. Her hand clasping over the younger woman's as she stretches it across her desk, before giving her a tight squeeze as both of them look into tearful eyes.

 **…**

Harvey was going to head home after leaving Paula's for the last time. Perhaps stay up for or an hour or two drinking scotch before he passed out. But he found himself wanting to see her. To tell her. He figured he'd try the firm first, it was almost 10 p.m and she did mention having a lot of work to finish so it wouldn't be unlikely that she was still there.

As he approaches their offices he sees hers is empty.

Rachel's heading home for the night and she stops in her tracks when she sees him looking into Donna's office, clearly disappointed. She worries that he'll ask her where she is and she'll have to lie. Then she wonders if he's already found the letter.

When he turns his head, she smiles at him and picks up the pace again until she's standing three feet from him.

"Has Donna left?"

"Uh, yeah I think she's gone home for the night." she exhales before nodding. He looks so disheartened that she just has to ask. "Have you been to your office?"

"What? No, why?" he quizzes suspiciously.

"Oh nothing," she waves her hand between them, eyes momentarily closing, "I think Mike just left some paperwork for the Fitzsimmons case, I'm sure it'll be fine until Monday."

Harvey furrows his brows, trying to get a read on her as best possible. She was definitely acting strange.

"Rachel, is there something you're not telling me?"

She desperately wants to tell him. To knock some sense into him he can go after Donna and convince her not to leave. But her loyalty to the redhead is stronger than her anger towards Harvey. She doesn't tell him. But she doesn't try to overly convince him everything is okay either.

"No." she says plainly before looking into Donna's office, sadness enveloping her eyes. "Everything is fine."

He nods at her word, still somewhat unconvinced.

"Good night, Harvey." she says lastly, before walking past him.

"Good night." he murmurs, eyes now set on Donna's desk.

He spots something then. Or rather the lack of some things. How her desk seems emptier. Not by much, but noticeable to him.

He steps inside the doorway and looks around. He feels a light chill run down his spine and he swallows, his fingers twitching by his sides.

He steps back out, deciding he'd give her a call on the way home when something Rachel said about Mike leaving paperwork for him just didn't feel right. Tilting his head he looks into his own office, eyes landing on his desk, lightly lit up by the corner lamp. No files. He looks away again when the corner of his eye catches a white envelope as he double-takes his desk.

With a heavy chest, he waltzes into the room. From some feet away he spots his name scrawled on the envelope and finds himself hoping the writing belonged to Mike.

But his fears are confirmed when he picks it up and examines it closer. It was undeniably hers. Elegant and natural. He had never hated the sight of her hand-writing until right this moment.

 _Harvey._

He rips it open, already guessing the type of letter that he was going to find inside. He pulls out both pieces of paper. One was typed, he quickly scans it, deciphering it as her official resignation letter. He drops it onto his desk along with the envelope and clutches the one written in pen.

Again, he sees his name.

He hears her voice as he reads, his blood rushing to his brain, causing a migraine to form, his throat feeling dry as he inhales.

* * *

 _Harvey,_

 _I hope you can understand why I did this, the way that I did it. Maybe not now, but some day. I couldn't stay around and watch you have to let me go, which would have harmed our friendship, or try to get me to stay, which would only jeopardise your current relationship._

 _I've only ever wanted you to be happy. And if that means I have to leave, then who am I to stand in the way?_

 _I have found another job in the city. I start next week. So, I'll still be around. This isn't a goodbye. It's a thank you. For over twelve wonderful years._

 _Love always,_

 _Donna._

* * *

The letter crinkles in his left hand as he clenches his fist. He feels his vision start to blur and fears he might be about to have another panic attack. The first one since she came back to his desk. Until he blinks and stray tears shoot down his face, clearing up his vision somewhat. His chest still feels heavy though and he knows if he stays and dwells long enough, he'll work himself into a state and he won't be able to move or breathe or think.

The next few minutes are a blur. Hallways. Passersby. Elevators. Buttons. Lobby.

Harvey dashes out onto the street, letter still in hand. He doesn't even realise that yet. Subconsciously needing something to hold onto, something of hers.

He hails down a cab, not even considering having to wait for Ray to pull around.

He jumps in, rattles off her address like it's his own name and sinks back into the leather seat. Only now realising how out of breath he was.

As the city lights stream through the windows of the dimly-lit cab, he glances down at the paper in his hands. Shaking his head in disbelief that this is what it has all come down to. They're Harvey and Donna, this should not be happening. He only blames himself. For not being honest all these years. For not being fully honest the day after they kissed.

He doesn't know how he's going to tell her all of this when he gets there. All he knows is that he's going to tell her everything.

 **…**

Donna's sitting on her couch, drowning any doubts she had with red wine. She licks her lips, the pungent taste, and accompanying vibrations the alcohol begins to hum through her veins, still not enough to distract from her thoughts, however. Not even for a second.

Now that she was home, what she had done had fully hit her. There was no more Specter Litt in her life. No more Specter. Not they way he used to be in her life anyway. He belonged to someone else now. No more 6 a.m or midnight calls. No more laughing, drinking or flirting. No more them.

Nothing could have ever prepared her for how empty, and numb, she would feel after letting her soulmate walk out of her life, and she his.

In the place he had only been a handful of times, she still felt him in the walls, the furniture, the decor _-her bed._ Each time he visited holding a significant memory for them both. He was never just there for a friendly chat.

So when she hears his set of knocks pounding against her front door, she knows. Somehow, he ended back up at the firm before his scheduled Monday morning, and now he was here.

She swallows, releases a sigh and leans forward, calmly placing her glass of red on the coffee table. He was going to be hurting, and perhaps lash out and say things he didn't mean. So she would have to try her best to anchor him down, remain focused on the facts. That she can't stay at the firm a second longer if it means his relationship is at risk because of her being there.

"Donna." He knocks again, throat full of impatience as he speaks, she can all but hear his heart pounding. "I know you're in there."

"I'm coming." she mutters before taking a second to gather herself at the opposite side of the door. The last threshold between them and what undeniably felt like their ultimate discussion. This was it, either way. She just knew.

She swings the door open, her hair responding to the gentle breeze. She steps outside of the door so she feels more in control of what was about to go down. But when her eyes met his she finds herself blindsided to say the least.

The most defeated, exhausted and pained version of Harvey Specter that she has ever seen, stood before her. The hurt and fear oozing from his eyes took affect on the rest of his face, morphing him into someone she almost didn't recognise.

They share a knowing stare, before he lets the initial relief of seeing her simmer out, so that annoyance can build back up again. He holds up the folded letter in his hands. His narrowed eyes shouting ' _really, Donna?'_

She shuts her eyes briefly, overcome with guilt.

"Harvey, I-"

"No. I don't want your explanation or even an apology. I know exactly why you did it. I'm just here to get you to take it back."

He holds out the letter. She looks at it, realises it's the personal one she left for him and not her official resignation letter. Deep down, he was asking her to take back her decision to leave his life more so than her decision to leave the firm.

"I can't do that, Harvey." she replies as comfortingly as possible in such an uncomfortable situation.

"Why not?" he asks, voice bubbling over with emotion. He feels numb. She was standing right in front of him but she may as well have been in Timbuktu. For he's never felt further apart from the woman who was always less than fifteen feet, or a phone call away.

"The letter explains why." she smiles sadly, her teary eyes mimicking his now.

"You're a coward." he blurts out, child-like and completely controlled by the emotions he never learned to control. Not when it came to her.

She wasn't going to let that phase her. She knew it was partially true. And besides, if she was able to call him as much when she needed to in the past, she figured he should be able to do the same. Especially when he's hurting to this extent.

She takes the letter from him. If only to diffuse his anger.

"You couldn't even say it to my face, Donna."

As prepared as she _thought_ she was for a harrowing show down, the heartbreak evident in his voice all too easily dents her emotional armor, as if it's suddenly made of wood instead of steel. And not even strong wood like oak or ash, but something weak and feeble, like pine.

"What, so you could have forced me to stay and told Paula that you're not choosing?"

"I didn't tell her I wasn't choosing, Donna, I-"

She cuts him off, unable to hear out loud that he chose her. "It doesn't matter, if I had told you I was resigning this soon you never would have dealt with it the way you needed to-"

"But I did." he informs her firmly, stepping an inch closer as his eyes search hers for any hint of regret in her actions. "I did choose."

Donna still can't see what he's telling her, still, as always, completely blinded by her disbelief that the man could be in love with her.

She presses her lips into a smile that she knows is badly orchestrated but no matter how hard she tries, her acting chops aren't up to their usual standard this time. It was always easier when they were in the midst of some verbal brawl, but this was too calm, too painful, too raw. There was no stage here, not even a stage-light. Just the two of them, left in the dreary shadows of their unspoken love for one another.

"Good." she nods, thumb subconsciously stroking the letter she had only finished writing some two or three hours prior. "I'm happy for you."

"So am I." he nods back.

Donna looks down at the floor, scanning the three feet gap between them, mindlessly looking at his leather shoes. She can't even think of what she wants to say next as her heart pinches. She hates that it does. She told him to choose her after all.

"Because I chose _you_."

She looks back up at him, mouth lightly parted, her long brows lowering in a mixture of confusion, sadness, and hope.

"Always." he whispers, his face solemn as he gauges her reaction.

"Harvey.." she breathes out, completely stumped.

"So.." Harvey nods, "you can come back to the firm now."

He hates himself for mentioning the business side of it so soon. He wants her to come back to _him._ But the words are still stuck in his trachea, avoiding his tongue like the plague. The courage he had to tell her everything in the cab ride over is creeping back down, away from his heart, back to the pits of his stomach, churning away until it was at home again and hidden away, keeping him safe from losing her lest he risk it all and tell her how he felt.

This was the only pattern he knew when it came to the emotional depths of their relationship. Losing her. Or fearing losing her. Then fighting to get her back. Usually back to the firm. Like when she was fired, or when she left to work for Louis. And each time he did, he got her back. But this time felt stranger, different. Like he shouldn't be fighting to bring her home, but fighting to tell her that _she is his home._

"Harvey, I'm not sure you should have done that. You were just acting on impulse," she holds up the letter, not adding things up quite easily as usual, before he cuts her off.

"I hadn't even read your letter before I saw her. I made my mind up the second she asked me to choose, Donna. I just let time get in the way and mess with what I knew I had to do. And when we hugged tonight, it all just hit home and I was certain that I had to choose.." He exhales heavily before looking her straight in the eye. " _You."_

She's shocked. But not overly so. She should have seen this coming. The way he was with her in her office beforehand. He wanted her to tell him to choose her, again.

"Harvey, look, it's been a long night. We both just need to sit on things for awhile."

"You're saying you don't wanna come back.." he nods, brows knitting with frustration, at himself. "Because of me."

"I'm saying..a lot has happened tonight and you need to go home and think about what you really want."

Of course, she's still worried he made the wrong choice, and will regret it in the morning.

"I need _you._ " he chokes out as he corrects her. "And I'm here because I _want_ you."

Her chest tightens at not only his words, but how he composed them, the tone he used for them. Both hands now gripping the paper, she stares at him. She wonders if this it it. The moment. _Their moment._

But she stares too long apparently, and he can't take it any longer. Incorrectly reading her. Thinking she doesn't want him to want her. _Maybe she didn't lie about her feelings after all_. Perhaps she really did feel nothing when she kissed him.

Not even caring to hide his anger and disappointment, he turns away shaking his head, his tail firmly between his legs as his back hits her vision. Physically and mentally unable for the rejection he thought was coming. He was drained. He was going home to drown in all the scotch he owned -and then some- this weekend.

"Do you wanna come in?"

Her words wake him up and in one swift move he's facing her again. The blankness of his broken face somehow telling her so much. An old book that only see could read.

He swallows down the lump in his throat formed with the relief that they may actually be moving forward -tonight. His glassy eyes bore through her entire being as she wills her top lip to remain steady.

"I'd like that." he says softly, his Donna-voice layered with a hint of something else. A form of vulnerability that even she has never heard from him before.

The left corner of her mouth cracks into a smile, her head nodding towards the door as her gaze remains fixed on him.

She eyes him as he passes her by, cautiously yet gladly stepping into her apartment. She sighs before closing the door behind her and following him into the living area.

Without having to tell him and without her having to ask, he sits on the couch and she gets him a glass. Pouring him a drink when she returns from the kitchen.

Donna hands him the wine, their fingers graze, causing her to look down at him to find him staring up at her. She smiles and releases her grip before picking up her own glass and sitting down beside him. Just like the last time they did it. Except this time there was no pre-wine dinner, no laughing or chatting or thanking. This time they had skipped straight to the end of that godforsaken night, straight to the feelings and heartache and -forbidden love.

She laughs inwardly when she realises it's as if they've just hit resume on that night. But she has no intentions on asking the same questions she did then. She wasn't getting burned by the same flame twice. No matter how much of a moth she was to that very flame.

"How are you feeling?"

She's referring to the breakup and neither of them need to say it, to know. The redhead sips her wine, eyeing him while she waits for a response.

"I'm good, actually." he nods, before mirroring her drinking, not looking at her yet.

"You sure? Breakups are never easy."

"You know what?" He smirks then, looking down into his glass which he was holding between his spread legs. "This one was. Because it was the right thing to do."

Her eyes widen slightly as he looks at her. Her stomach knots and she's sure her pupils are copying his, growing larger with each passing second he lays eyes on her.

"I'm sorry, Donna." he whispers, not letting himself look away from her intense gaze for even a millisecond, he reckons that he deserves every ounce of shame he feels when he looks into the only hazel-green pair he has ever cared for. "For everything that's happened since the last time we were sat right here."

His soft voice doesn't do anything to soften the blow of his unexpected words. She shuffles a bit, subconsciously moving an inch closer as she does so. Her right knee digging into the cushion beside him as she sits on her calf, her left leg touching the floor.

She feels like less of a moth for approaching this subject now that he had brought it up first.

"Me too." she whispers, not letting him take all the blame because it wouldn't be right. "Well.. not for _everything_.." she smirks, tilting her head at him, acknowledging that it hasn't all been doom and gloom since he told her he loved her on a whim and dashed just as quickly.

He chuckles almost silently, looking down again for a second before turning his body to face her.

"Did you lie to me?" he asks sensitively, careful not to accuse her of being a liar, per se.

Her smile fades, she swallows and straightens her side up against the back of the couch, still facing him. She messes her brows ever so lightly. There has been so much said between them lately that she actually can't pinpoint what he's referring to. It unnerves her because now she won't have time to mask her initial reaction if needs be.

"About the kiss." he says, eyes smiling, lips straight. "Our kiss."

He doesn't need to elaborate further. She loses his gaze when she looks away on reflex, but she can still feel his stare burning through her skin. When she returns the eye-contact it's not even so anymore because he's looking at her lips. She tugs at the edge of her lower one without even knowing.

This is it. Literal moment of truth.

"Yes." she whispers with the release of a sigh, eyes glistening with the promise of fresh tears as the full impact of her lie hits her, and him. "I felt something when I kissed you," Her voice cracks, lips beginning to quiver slightly as she bites down on her bottom one before she finishes with a shakiness to her voice, "I felt _everything,_ actually."

Donna glances down to her fingers, fidgeting with the stem of her wine glass as she nervously anticipates his response.

If she had been looking at him she would have seen his lip tug upwards into the most adorably relieved smile she's ever seen. But she feared he would be mad at first so she doesn't look at him until he's moving to put his wine glass down on the table seconds later. He turns to her then, she allows herself to glance at him.

"I lied too." he says matter-of-factly.

"About what?" she asks hoarsely.

"What it meant for me."

 _That doesn't mean I want more._

"Oh." That's all she can say when her chest is weighed down by the meaning behind his words, and what they were actually finally saying to each other.

His teeth peer out under his smile for the first time since they started talking.

"0 and everything, Donna." he chances, desperate to return to even the slightest shred of humorous banter they once had. "0 and everything."

She can't help but let out a watery chuckle, never amazed by his ability to crack a joke. His phrase also reminds her of the old them. And how much her heart longs for that dynamic again -just with something extra this time around, something more.

"Are you implying that you've won?" she teases in response.

"Won what?" he grins.

"Us." He returns her darkened gaze, smiling at her uncharacteristic bashfulness before she speaks again. "Me."

So, they now discover, that _this_ is what it feels like to just let themselves fall. To let the last pieces they held onto so tightly, fit into the intricate puzzle of _them._

He looks at her lips. He just wants to taste them again, to plump them up even more, taint her glossy lipstick as he parts her mouth with his tongue. What he probably would have done that night in her office had she not ran out. Or the last time they were sat right here, had he not ran out.

As he inches closer, letting himself drift towards her like he almost did the last time they shared this exact space, his hand lands on her wine glass before he quickly sets it on the coffee table beside his without looking away from her for even a second.

He's mere inches from her face now, his hand on her waist. As his thumb soothes her skin it messes with the muscles in her abdomen, each of them screaming out for his touch as her skin begins to hum under his gentle ministrations.

"Harvey, what are you doing?" she whispers so lightly she wonders if he would even hear her.

He sees her throat bob from the corner of his eye, he looks into her eyes and sends her a reassuring smile. He knows she's worried about him, that he's moving too fast after his breakup. But his expression tells her that this is the only direction he wants to move in, and the one he should have moved in a long time ago.

His right hand slides up her arm until his skin feels hers, his fingers leaving invisible prints on the back of her neck as they glide under her silky honey waves, eliciting a pleasurable sigh from her lips as a shiver runs down her spine.

"I'm showing you _how._ " he whispers back simply.

 _Love me how?_

As her own words echo throughout her brain, his lips gently crashing against hers do all the answering for her much awaited question. One she gave up on long ago.

Her eyes are closed straight away and all she can feel is _him._ His fingers. His mouth. The increasing closeness of their body proximities. All she can hear is _him_. His lips against hers. His breath mingling with hers as their mouths part. Consuming her entirely.

He pulls apart then, eyes shut, forehead resting on hers, heated breaths lightly gasping for air.

"This," he exhales, "this is how I have loved you since I met you, Donna."

He plants a light peck on her lips before pulling back further to get a full look at her face, her reaction.

"And this is regardless of whether or not you come back to the firm."

He wipes a stray tear from her cheek, both of them chuckling with complete mirth as she sniffs back.

"I love you, Donna Paulsen." She watches the added years almost fade from his features as he cracks a smile. "I'm in love with you." he insists. "And I think you're in love with me too."

"I think you're right." she smirks, a sweet coyness about her.

His eyes flicker with relief, and a pure form of joy they've never held before.

"Is this what you want?"

She doesn't answer him. She just quirks a brow, telling him that her answer should be obvious. When he nods lightly, she moves in closer, closing the gap yet again. Her left hand lands on his side as her fingers trace his ribs. She lets her other hand fall against his neck as he senses her more than positive response and pulls her back in for another kiss.

It's more urgent this time. Both of them sharing the hunger equally. Their mouths parting quicker, tongues not as shy. She sighs into his mouth when he tugs on her lip before soothing it over with a wet kiss. Her mind is almost a blur, her body responding to his touches on its own accord. She happily goes with its instinct though, as he lowers her down onto the cushions until her back hits the fabric and he's hovering over her.

As he ducks down to deepen their kisses his groin rolls against hers and she feels over a decade of pent up desire graze her clothed centre.

She moans. He smirks. She smirks back.

"Ten years." he lets out with a raspy sigh as his numbing lips trail her jawline.

"I know." she reassures in _that_ tone.

He chuckles against her skin,the feel of his smirk telling her just how much he's missed her know-it-all attitude of late.

Amid her adrenaline-fueled state, she watches him quickly sit up and wriggle out of his suit jacket. He's about to remove his tie when he catches her cat-like eyes scolding him. Her hands quickly grabbing the silky item and pulling him back down on top of her.

"That's _my_ job." she whispers seductively, and dominantly, into his ear before nipping at his lobe while he kisses as much of her flesh as he could with her turtle-neck covering most of it.

She curses herself for changing into it now. But this was the last thing she was expecting to happen tonight.

As she loosens his tie, she gives up on unknotting it entirely, her frenzied fingers becoming too impatient when his right hand finds her breast as his lips tease hers. She pulls it over his head and tosses it blindly aside. Her hands quickly moving onto his shirt now, ripping the material from his pants at the waist.

His groin tenses at her contact and his mouth parts even more so. He groans when her cool fingers greet his burning flesh, grazing upwards as they unbutton his shirt with an enthusiastic ease.

When the last button is free, her hands are gliding up his chest and over his broad shoulders until he's wriggling out of that now too. However, this time their lips remain locked the entire time. Nipping and tugging and soothing in a race to make up for lost time. Both cursing themselves for waiting this long when they both fear they may come undone before anyone is even full naked.

She feels herself growing embarrassingly wet under his grinding lower half. "Harv-ey," she pants, lashes fluttering lazily, "you remember where my bedroom is, don't you?"

He pulls his head back, looking down at intentionally pursed and incredibly raw lips, smirking eyes and an arched brow. A combination of aroused features he hasn't seen since _the other time._

"How could I forget?"

"Well, this couch isn't big enough for all the things I wanna do to you," she looks at his bare chest, then his lips and finally back to his widening eyes before she whispers, "and all the things you wanna do to me.."

She doesn't have to utter another word. Next thing she knows he's pushing himself back and collecting her in his arms, pulling her up with ease until her legs were securely locked around his waist, arms crossed around the back of his neck.

She squeals with delight, kissing him as he tries to blindly carry them both to her bedroom where he can hardly wait to strip her of her clothes like she's done to half of him.

He kicks off his shoes as he enters the room, slamming the door closed behind them with his foot then. Her fingers press into his shoulder blades when he lowers her down onto the queen-sized bed, propped up ever so slightly thanks to the abundance of pillows.

He bites his lip as she looks at him, her eyes giving him his next orders. His fingers slip under her black sweater and up her smooth skin, feeling the goosebumps left behind in their wake. He helps pull off the material as she raises her arms. Soon the mass of onyx is discarded onto the floor and his eyes are absorbing the contrasting ivory canvas in front of him. He couldn't say blank canvas because of all the freckles scattered across her flesh just begging to be kissed - and because the redhead was anything but a blank canvas. However, what they were doing right now felt like one, a fresh start, both of them now dipping their brushes in the most vibrant of colors as they begin painting their new future together.

As she pulls him down, once again needing his lips on hers, his hands continue on their mission to get her naked. She sits up a bit so he can unclasp her bra and without much difficulty she feels the satisfying release of the elastic around her frame. She's free of the straps in no time at all and he throws the clothing behind him somewhere, anywhere.

The room is dimly lit, only two bedside lamps switched on, but she still wonders if there's any hazel left in his eyes when they appear to be completely devoured by the distending circumference of his pupils, swallowing back his ever-growing arousal as he stares at her breasts.

"Just as I left them." he chances before she lightly smacks his arm, unable to kill her huge grin all the same.

He dives down for more kisses and happily makes his way down her newly exposed flesh. His tongue teases her nipple after each tug. Her hands roam freely through his hair as her back arches, pushing her body into his, before they claw their way to his waist as he continues his mouth caresses all over her body. Her groin is burning and she's aching to get a move on -and to get his pants off.

Harvey smirks against her skin then, kissing his way up her long neck, feeling the pulse point in her throat throb under his lascivious lips.

He feels his pants loosen around his waist when she already unbuttons and unzips him, pulling the last of his suit ensemble over his ass and down as much of his thighs as she can reach, leaving him to free himself from the rest, tugging off his socks while he's up.

And just like that he's hard against her again, even more so now with just his boxers guarding his burgeoning erection.

She whimpers into their next kiss as he presses his crotch into hers with purpose and passion. His left hand creeping down her flesh to play with the button of her jeans, popping it open and unzipping her all for himself. She pushes her ass off the mattress so he can pull them off, which he does so, again discarding them wherever he can.

When he's pressed against her once more, grinning as she sighs with both of their centres clashing and just thin undergarments between them now, she's had enough of his teasing.

Before he knows it her right hand is dipping under his boxers and cupping his balls. He grunts under the cruelly pleasurable touch, head falling into the crook of her neck.

"Just as I left them." she pants, mischief in her tone and in her eyes too once he looks back into them, before she gives one more squeeze for good measure, sliding her grip over his now handsomely hardened shaft as she removes her hand once again.

Whatever patience he has left is quickly flying out the window now and she knows it. Both her hands grabbing the elastic waist of his boxers next and pulling them right over his cheeks. Again, he does the rest and as he crawls his way back up to her afterwards, his mouth makes trails along the insides of her thighs, bouncing from one to the other until he's reached his target.

She arches into him on reflex when his mouth teases her clothed centre. A light thong standing in the way of them and total exposure. He kisses her softly, feeling her wetness seeping through the fabric. He smiles, she wants to tell him to shut up but she can't blame him for finding it satisfying really.

"Harveyy," she sighs, eyes shutting as he continues to tease her, "as great as this is, we've got all night for that," she looks down at him when he meets her hungered gaze, her fingers digging into the sheets, "now can we just skip to the main course already?"

"So I can't enjoy my starters?" he frowns menacingly.

"You can.. just after the mains."

"And what about dessert?" he toys as he pulls her lingerie clean off, both his eyes and manhood reacting to the new view.

She watches his Cheshire Cat grin as he lowers himself on top of her once more.

"I'm pretty sure there's some whipped cream in the fridge." she blinks, a faux innocence about her eyes as her lips send him a contrasting, devilish pout.

This woman will be the death of him, he soon understands, and he couldn't be any happier about it.

His left leg parts hers, she can feel his toned thigh grate against her already throbbing bundle of nerves. He feels her moist heat on his flesh and positions himself properly in between her now, her long, smooth limbs wrapping around him.

He kisses her again before pausing, both of them acknowledging what was coming next. She smirks, her thumb grazing his jawline. He sends her a sweet smile before shuffling over her. His head almost tentatively teasing her entrance, until she feels his full length inside her moments later. Her mouth widens as she pants along with him, their bodies cemented together. He stares back and forth between her eyes and lips until he feels her adjusting to his _generous_ size.

As she pulls him closer, he begins thrusting, soon realising how quick their first round was bound to end given the excruciating wait. He can already feel the release building inside him after just a few short minutes. Her nails scratching his skin do nothing to ease the tension in his groin, and his mouth against her neck and thumb tweaking her nipple do nothing to ease hers. The more sounds she makes the harder - both figuratively and literally - it becomes.

He rocks into her, sliding in and out, her warmth around him a more than welcome comfort after the last few days -weeks, months, years. He was only ever going to find the comfort he needed in her, that he realises beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Before he can come undone, his hand slides off of her breast and over her throbbing clit. He moans into her lips when he feels the swollen flesh beneath his thumb. She whines as he presses into her, in perfect harmony with each thrust.

She feels the release inside her building towards its final peak. A budding pressure rising from deep inside. Sending electric currents coursing through each nerve as her legs numb, yet tighten around him all the same. She's right on the edge when he pulls his hand back and finishes her off with his thrusts, harder and deeper than the ones that came before. She shows her appreciation by meeting his movements, grinding against him until the fire in her core is bursting into full flame, forcing her to double over, their chests colliding as she pulls on him for support to ride out her orgasm while her mouth sounds out his name, causing him to follow suit in no time at all as he spills into her. Both of them now coated in a cool sweat, eyes hooded and breathing all over the place.

He lets himself rest on top of her awhile, her right hand haphazardly stroking his hair as she regains her senses, his head rising and falling along with her chest.

Once he's gathered enough energy, he soon pulls back, gently sliding out of her and landing beside her, his arms pulling her close to his chest the second he hit the sheets.

"Mmm," she hums against him while her arm hugs his waist, her fingers dancing their way up his spine, "I'm _definitely_ in love with you." she teases, referring to earlier, when she kisses her way up his chest until she reaches his chin and he's lowering his head towards her to meet her for a passionate peck.

"Oh," he mutters against her, pulling her even closer, "well just wait until dessert, you'll be _infatuated_ with me."

She giggles into their kiss before parting from his lips, grinning up at him, feeling like as much of an idiot in love as she figured she looked.

His arm wrapped around her neck secures her to him while that hand traces the freckles on her shoulder, his eyes simultaneously tracing her now frizzed auburn waves that matched her warm smile, and soul.

"I think I already am." she sighs in defeat, brows flashing upwards, creasing her forehead lightly.

He smiles at her then, inhaling as his other hand trails down her side, the touch off-setting her nerves as she wraps her right leg over his while he plants his left between hers.

"So.." he murmurs as he catches a lock of her hair, lovingly playing with it while he stares at the tender action, "does this mean you're not leaving the firm?"

She cups his cheek so he'll look at her. Her kind eyes reassuring him, her wayward smirk teasing him.

"Only if I get a huge raise." she plays, eyes widened dramatically.

He mirrors her crooked smile then, gleefully pulling her right on top of him.

"That can be arranged, Ms Paulsen."

She leans in to collect another kiss, both feeling the need to make up for the loss of intimacy over the years.

"Ooh, maybe my name on the wall?"

"I wouldn't say no to your name beside mine someday." he plays along, she knows where he's going and the ridiculous of it does nothing to off-set the butterflies in her stomach. "Just with a hyphen."

She laughs up at him, because it's all she can do. She can however, let herself get used to this version of Harvey, of them.

"And no Litt." she frowns.

He furrows his brows back at her.

"Okay seeing as our old rule has clearly been _abolished,_ " he says with more than a hint of relief, "we need a new one."

"Oh yeah? What?" she chuckles with intrigue as she straddles him, pushing herself off of his chest so she's sitting up on top of him.

"No mentioning of _that_ name in the bedroom."

"Fair enough." she laughs into his lips.

With her in his arms, he's contently overwhelmed at the confirmation that he was only ever going to find what he was looking for in her chaste kisses, her home-like hugs, her infectious laughter, and her soul that owned part of his own since the moment right after he asked Jay for a Macallan 18 thirteen years ago.

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 **And they dance at Machel's wedding and live happily ever after, the end.**

 **Thanks for reading!  
Hopefully the actual episode is somewhat kind to us...  
But if not, we will always have fic land in the meantime!**


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